I don't know, sometimes it feels like I just can't breath...

 I don't know, sometimes it feels like I just can't breath...

I only listen to Mountain Goats, but this song speaks to me

I guess I do it to myself, just sitting there feeling some sort of imagined pressure, unimagined people that I know looking at me, and fee that the weight of my vast kingdom counting on me.  It's always been that way, never been able to really articulate it to anyone that cares.  

In my private moments, though, there are times when I have a plan.  Places to go, people to see, etc..  I try to remember them from time to time, but they are just fading images.  It's strange... I can see them so clear, the plan is rock solid, then it is gone.  Maybe it was never there in the first place.  

I don't feel any real connection to any certain place or occupation, but always seem to revert to feeling I am in the wrong place and occupation...

Meh, not trying to have a pity party here.  Just putting this out in the world as a reality that I feel.  I am the master of my own destiny and I will have my place in the warm sun.  

We had some discussions, when I was in rehab, about the best country to run away to.  People had differing opinions.  Portugal seemed popular, but I was really trying to sell Peru.  The southern tip of south America, Patagonia, has always had a fascination for me, be a vaquero or just herd penguins, I don't know.

It is always a waiting game, waiting for something different to happen, and being mildly pleased or displeased when they do or do not happen.

How did people like David Gilmour have their shit together enough to write the dark side of the moon?  How desperate do people actually need to get to in order to be great artists...  I knew the answer when I was 18.  Can't go back there anymore... shoot.