I don't know, sometimes it feels like I just can't breath...

 I don't know, sometimes it feels like I just can't breath...

I only listen to Mountain Goats, but this song speaks to me

I guess I do it to myself, just sitting there feeling some sort of imagined pressure, unimagined people that I know looking at me, and fee that the weight of my vast kingdom counting on me.  It's always been that way, never been able to really articulate it to anyone that cares.  

In my private moments, though, there are times when I have a plan.  Places to go, people to see, etc..  I try to remember them from time to time, but they are just fading images.  It's strange... I can see them so clear, the plan is rock solid, then it is gone.  Maybe it was never there in the first place.  

I don't feel any real connection to any certain place or occupation, but always seem to revert to feeling I am in the wrong place and occupation...

Meh, not trying to have a pity party here.  Just putting this out in the world as a reality that I feel.  I am the master of my own destiny and I will have my place in the warm sun.  

We had some discussions, when I was in rehab, about the best country to run away to.  People had differing opinions.  Portugal seemed popular, but I was really trying to sell Peru.  The southern tip of south America, Patagonia, has always had a fascination for me, be a vaquero or just herd penguins, I don't know.

It is always a waiting game, waiting for something different to happen, and being mildly pleased or displeased when they do or do not happen.

How did people like David Gilmour have their shit together enough to write the dark side of the moon?  How desperate do people actually need to get to in order to be great artists...  I knew the answer when I was 18.  Can't go back there anymore... shoot.

 First post (that you know of) so let's keep it simple...

Here is Hotel Eden doing Nimble Girl:

Starting off non-offensive, that I know of...  The offensive parts will come later.  I assume I am going to say FUCK sooner than later, so be warned.  Right now, though, I am mostly sad and time traveling through old songs that make me a bit weepy.  INXS, the Cowboy Junkies, Chris Isaak...haven't ventured to a few others because I'm not really a glutton for that, and I'm not trying to time travel to placed that can't house me know.  Oh, they are not forgotten, I can still smell them, feel the touch/heat/cold, or just the smile on a face.  But it does me no good hugging on to the ghosts of the past.

I may GO THERE at some time, there are people I was to call out, compare memories with, before we ultimately shrug our shoulders thinking of what may have been.

Right now, this minute, same as last night, I love my wife as mush as I ever have, all the moments and smiles and touches and laughs... although they are aa mile away today.  I am going to try to reduce that distance.  It might be a fools errand, But I am noting if not a fool.  Bug I can have oodles of charm when I want to/